2020 Was a Gas

I am blessed to be able to say that in 2020 I had moments of sheer joy. 

In previous years I made little "Year-End" cards to mark some of the good things. This year, I thought I would bring that back. 

It was a weird year. I believed "Self Quarantine" would be "short". I think we had to begin sheltering in place in March. I was sure that this would all be "fixed" by May. It felt like a really long string of snow days. Snow days from a child's eyes (and sometimes an adult's) is an unplanned gift of respite from the everyday. A day home from school? Yay. Do I do extra homework today? NO! That's missing the point of the gift. Instead focus on snowmen, sledding, and snow cream (if you can find some safe snow). The follow-up to a good snow day is a good cup of hot cocoa and blissfully tired bodies. 

I did my part in self-isolation, going nowhere after work. Just me and the pets, reading "'War and Peace". I heard about this "fad" on NPR. Reading the book in a virtual book club. A book that I would not have picked out for myself. On "A Public Space", Yiyun Li led us through and inspired reading of a surprisingly good book. [#TolstoyTogether]

I binged on mini-series shows on Netflix and Amazon. It's funny because it sounds like many of us binged the same shows. This makes for typical conversations at the "water cooler". I binged the Queen's Gambit and The Crown.

I took online classes (I have one more that I need to finish). I went to a Writers' Retreat. The retreat part had to be improvised but was pretty good. 

I went down to Wilmington several times so I could play with that sweet little Lucy. I've been lucky!

Miles to Go

Hello Dear Friends, I've missed you all! I missed coming here and telling you my stories. Today I will just dive in. I'm MOVING....again.  

What? I LOVE this apartment. I mean REALLY love this apartment.  How many moves does this make? Well, this is technically the second in 2020. But I sort of think of it as a New Year's Move. 

I was in the last apartment for two years. The one before that was about 6 months (?) and now this one is right at a year. And now, I'm moving one more time. 

I'm moving one building over to a top floor (instead of a 2nd floor). The new unit has two bedrooms; more than I needed a year ago, but exactly what I need today. The move is on Monday. Bill is moving to the new apartment too. 

I'm building a shared life. I find it interesting that, for me, the year is ending the way it began...with a move. Or maybe the new year is beginning the way this one did, with a move. 

I'll be honest, I could do with a lot less moving. I'd like to have all of the boxes unpacked AND the pictures hung for a few years. I think this next apartment will be good for that. 

In the middle of the planned move, we put up a Christmas Tree. It's a real one, and it's just the right size. And there are presents under the tree that I just can't wait to open. I haven't been this excited about the holiday in a very long time. 

The tree was put up a couple of weeks after Thanksgiving. It didn't make sense to buy a tree and put it up when the move is just days before Christmas. And yet, I wanted to be festive. So the tree is here and it makes me very happy.  

The star is Bill's homage to Vincent. Who wouldn't love a star like that? 

The boxes were packed today and the movers will come on Monday. The walls are bare now. As I see that the packing part has been done, the tension in my body softens. Seeing the packed boxes makes it all a lot less scary. And this time... I am not doing it alone. 

As I write this, I'm sitting in the dark watching the tree lights glow. I am quiet. The only sound is the dog's little snores from his snuggly place on the couch. Lines from the poem come to mind and I am happy. Christmas is upon us.

The only other sound's the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

"Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening"
Robert Frost 

 

Life's Gifts

One last day off before craziness sets in. I have chores that need to be taken care of...you know grown-up things like getting the car inspected so that I can update my DMV tags. That sounds easy enough, but I'm pretty sure I need new front tires to pass inspection, so I have to add a chore before the chore to get ready for the chore. Technically, all three chores should be done before month-end. But, I often take advantage of the unofficial (unspoken?) thing that you get a grace period. All of that to say that instead of doing any of those chores I'm here at home. On my couch and basking in moments of sweet serenity.

Home is changing for me. It's becoming more lived in. More "can't wait to get there". 

Pictures have been hung. You know that has been a challenge of mine for quite some time. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see pieces I love hanging on my wall. 

I had help getting them hung (as you knew I would). 

I thought that when I got my pics hung I would be staying in this apartment for another two years. But funny enough, within a month of hanging I've decided to move, yet again. 

I lived in my last apartment for two years loving it, but knowing I would love it more if my lovely prints adorned my walls. I moved before the walls saw a single framed picture. In my Wilmington apartment, I hired someone to hang pictures within a few weeks of arriving. The guy asked me, "How long are you going to be here?", to which I answered, "FOREVER". Spoiler alert, I did not live there forever. 

Now, a much smaller move will be taking place. I won't lament about timing because, well,  I'm excited. I'm moving into a larger apartment in the same complex. Just one building west, as a matter of fact. I will still hear the same birds singing that I hear now. But it will be a bigger place. "We" need a bigger place. --He and I need a bigger place. 

It's taken me a long time to truly allow myself to imagine my own future. It goes without saying that nothing in my future changes how I feel about my sweet Jordan. I love him now. I love him forever. God gave us a beautiful life together. A beautiful marriage. A beautiful daughter. A beautiful family. A happy and full life. Nothing changes that. The blessings of our life together continue. 

We now have a beautiful granddaughter. Our daughter and her Sam are beautiful parents. 

Jordan is a part of that because he is always a part of our life. Always. Nothing changes that. 

What changes is discovering that the heart is resilient and can still love. Can love again. 

As with most wonderful, spectacular, amazing life gifts, I cannot comprehend how it all fits together. How it all works. But maybe that's okay too.