Learning to Cook in the Time of COVID-19

How is everyone coping with the COVID-19 Shelter In Place thing we have going on? For me, this is basically weekend #2. I'm not actually going stir crazy...yet. I am still able to go into the office during the week. I don't have a loved one at home that I need to care for. But, after work and on the weekends, I'm doing my best to comply with the "Stay At Home" guidelines.

It's kind of a nice time for me to nest a little more. I've been in this apartment for about 2 months now. And, you know my biggest goal is picture hanging... which didn't get done before the shelter-in-place action began. It's not simply the result of my procrastination. 

I've thought about starting to cook a little for myself. I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that cooking can be a breakthrough for someone newly alone. I will tell you I have had a mental block about cooking for a very long time. There are probably lots of reasons for this, and really...they don't matter. I try not to attach a value judgment on my ability (or choice) to cook at home. There have been times in my adult life where I cooked more than others. I was never a consistent cook. But...sometimes I cooked more often than others.

Copper pots I polished not long before COVID

Jordan and I enjoyed eating together, especially at home. It didn't matter if it was takeout or a frozen dinner or a home-cooked meal.  We enjoyed the togetherness of eating it. When I was a child, my mother worked full time and came home and cooked dinner every night. As far as I know, that was what everyone's home life was...dinner at the kitchen table with a meal that the Mom prepared. And not a frozen dinner or some other "calling it in" type of meal. It was always meat and potatoes or rice, and at least one vegetable.  I still don't know how Mom pulled that off...every night...but she did.

When Jordan and I were newly married, our meals were less "planned". We often had spaghetti and a salad or a ravioli casserole and a salad. I was never much for vegetables, so I rarely actually prepared them. Though Jordan did like little peas. So I often warmed a can of LeSeur peas for him. There was a long period in the early years when we ate a lot of Ramen Noodles. Other nights were tuna casserole. Which, was surprisingly tasty. Obviously, the early years were for dinners on a budget.

As we began to earn a little more money, I added pork chops, chicken, and lasagna to the repertoire. We even had a period when I made stir-fried snow peas with almost every meal. I made these with butter and beef bouillion crystals.

Jordan was the one that usually made spaghetti. He also made macaroni and cheese. His favorite was from the box with powdered cheese. I bought the "fancy" kind one time. The kind that had a creamy cheese in a foil packet. it even had fancy shell pasta. As far as Jordan was concerned, that was a macaroni and cheese fail.

I'll be honest, I liked the way Jordan made macaroni too.  He made it so buttery that it was the perfect comfort food.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped cooking. When I would entertain the idea of cooking I was always stuck with the question of what to make. Everything sounded so hard. So complex with so many ingredients. I think I pretty much became intimidated if there were more than five ingredients.

When we downsized into our first Durham apartment, Jordan began to cook for us. That was one of my happiest times. I would come home from work and he would go about making dinner, which was often a Lean Cuisine of a Stouffers dinner. They were usually nice and warm and filling. And he would make it and bring it to me on the couch. We would eat together while watching Jeopardy from the couch. He liked taking care of me and I liked being taken care of.

When Jordan started to get sick, he lost the drive (ability) to make dinner. I often brought something home for us. Usually, I went to yoga after work and drove through for dinner on the way home. On those nights, dinner was at about 8. We still enjoyed eating watching some sort of TV.

His favorite was when we ate at the table in the apartment. He would much rather eat at the table than on the couch. The table was just feet away from the couch, so I didn't really see the point. But it was important to him. He loved it when I would serve us on plates at the table with whatever fast food cuisine I'd purchased. He told me that this meant something to him and thanked me for the time we spent at the table.

It was during that time that I was assessing what was going on with him. He was so sweet and all the little things made him so happy. And dinner at the table was one of those things. So, I began to make that a priority.

Since I was making dinner at the table part of our routine, I started one of those subscriptions to cook from a box. The boxes came once a week with everything you needed for three dinners. This was a nice way for us to enjoy the cooking experience that we never really had before. The box came with finger potatoes with instructions on how to cut them and place them on the pan with garlic and seasoning. --I'd never had finger potatoes before. I didn't even know they were a thing. The box came with an onion to chop or leeks or shallots. Jordan would stand with me in the kitchen as we read the directions and I went about doing whatever it said to do next. The most successful dinner was panko chicken. I don't remember what meal had the finger potatoes, but that was a hit as well. I'm grateful for those times we had in the kitchen.

Fast forward to "now". This new apartment has a big kitchen with a huge kitchen island. It beckons for activity.  Today marks the third weekend that I cooked at home. So far I mostly cook breakfast. It is my favorite meal, so that makes sense. Last weekend I had eggs and sausage on Saturday and cereal on Sunday. I like cereal...so for me, that is a treat.

Last Sunday, while browsing the web, I had a huge desire to make some sort of chocolate treat. I bought a bag of dark chocolate chips a couple of weeks back. I was entertaining the idea of Toll House cookies but hadn't made them yet. So, here was my thought... haystacks. Except for using dark chocolate chips instead of butterscotch chips. Why? Dark chocolate is what I had.  I did not have chow mein noodles (of course), but I had a couple of bags of Chex Mix snacks. And I had several snack-size bags of peanuts. I also had my oatmeal squares cereal and a bag of potato chips. I melted the chocolate chips and began to stir in different snacks to create my makeshift haystacks. For the Chex Mix snacks, I used the Rice Chex and the Corn Chex but did not use Wheat Chex (that doesn't go with chocolate...obviously). I also used pretzels and peanuts. I made stacks out of cereal and also dipped individual potato chips into the chocolate. The results were quite satisfactory. Not culinary genius...but a little innovation to use what I had to create something like what I wanted.

Today I made two pigs in a blanket with Lit'l Smokie Sausages and crescent rolls. And I made cheese rice. I actually like rice for breakfast...so I decided to use my boxed package today. The pigs in a blanket were okay. --I liked the crescent rolls with just butter best. The rice was good. But the morning meal didn't really do it for me. It was okay. Which is acceptable...and another day of me staying in and cooking. So even though I didn't love what I made...I didn't hate it either. And I did enjoy the feeling of being at home.

So there you have it. COVID-19 is helping me to learn to feel at home.

That, and the brownies I just pulled from the oven. Those are knocking my socks off. 

I Moved

I moved. Here are a few pics of the new place. I'm pretty much moved in. I'm staying with the minimalist approach to "stuff". I look around and feel at home. I've enjoyed myself, even. But when I look at pics, I feel like it looks like a college apartment, and I don't mean that in a good way.

Well, I'm going to just have to get over that for now. But I do need to make picture hanging a priority. I need this apartment to BE home.

I read an article recently about "being single" or being "newly single", and it talked about cooking and the grief process. It was in NY Times,  For Many...The Hardest Part is Mealtime. I just re-read it and realize it is speaking about widowhood. I, of course, am not a widow. But I have lost my lifemate. There are times when I feel lonelier than others. Dinner is one of those times. I was never a big cook, but we ate together every night. Either takeout or frozen dinners or sometimes a dinner that I made. It's been almost three years since we've lived together. I haven't really known how to manage this part of my new life.

Friday evenings when I used to get so excited about starting the weekend are often anti-climatic for me. The good news (I suppose) is that I'm now able to differentiate between times of day when I feel it the most. It's no longer something that I feel 24/7. I've eaten cereal lots of evenings. It's all I can muster up the energy for. On other nights it's a toasted cheese sandwich. But, I'm trying to build a real life. I have this idea that cooking will make my life "normal". I think eating at home will help me define my space as my home. You know..."Home is where the food is..."

It's been very spotty, this new consideration of making real food. I've never really enjoyed cooking, but I've almost always enjoyed baking. Last year I made a few desserts that made me happy. 

I made breakfast at home both days this weekend. Saturday was scrambled eggs with sausage. I was really happy with my eggs. Today was french toast. I was very happy with that too. I sat at my dining room table with a glass of ice tea. It was actually nice.  

I'm finding several articles that are interesting "takes" on "Coping with Cooking After".  There's even a book, but I haven't found it yet.  Anyway...that's what is new with me. 

What is Going On?

This blog is way too young to try to change its name and address...but I'm doing it. I think I may have three or four readers that found me at "Kimberly-Halftime.blogspot.com". To make it easier if you find me via the "Half Time" blog, I have created a redirection from the "Half Time" address to this address. 

Why in the world am I doing this? I'm not entirely sure. I've heard some writers working under a deadline have a compulsion to clean the house or do other chores. You know, things that keep them from actually writing. So maybe that is it. I plan to write...and I actually open the blog to share thoughts....and I'm compelled to play with the layout or the name, etc.

Some have followed my blog using the "Bloglovin" reader. I actually follow several blogs on this reader. Here's the thing...Bloglovin' sent me a note saying, "Congrats, you have 20 followers". That's cool. So I decided to check out my followers,  hoping I know them and can say "Hi and thank you". Guess what... every one of the followers is fake. Worse, they are porn sites.  EWWWW!  I'm asking myself if there is something about the name "Half Time" that triggered the bots to "follow" me. I'm not sure...but just in case I've decided to change the name.

I was also uncomfortable with the idea that this was my "Half Time" thoughts. Yes, this is sort of a new chapter. But I kept thinking "Half Time" implies "2nd Half" and actually I don't like to think of my life as being in "2nd Half". For me, it feels too much like I'm on the downhill slide.  Which, maybe I am, but I don't want to be reminded of that every time I open up my own blog.

How did I decide on "Sitting With It"? Sitting with "It" is a practice that I've been working on for several years now. It was taught to me by a therapist. I learned to use it when I was experiencing extreme stress and conflict at work. (A previous company).  Let me just say that "Sitting with It" does not come naturally to me. In fact, my counselor actually called it "Sitting with Discomfort". Whew...that was actually hard for me. (Still is).

My first blog was called "What I Think About", which was mostly musings of my life. I still "think about things", but it's different now. I'm different.

I don't know for sure what this blog will be "mostly", but I know it's different. A little more subdued maybe. A little quieter. I am still navigating who I am without my partner. I'm still trying to reconcile the fact that I'm "alone". I'm definitely still finding my way. There is still so much joy in my life, but I'd be a liar if I didn't admit I'm in the midst of grief. I've been trying to figure out how to manage grief without succumbing to depression. I can tell you that for the most part (with help) I've been able to keep deep depression at bay.

Right now, the best thing I can think to do is to "Sit With It".

PS I've opened up commenting so that you do not need a Google Account (or any account) to leave me a comment. If you are inclined to say hello, I'd love to hear from you.