A Little Flow Helps

This is what I spent my Sunday doing....decorating just a little. It's really very little but somehow gives me joy. And it gave me joy while I was putting it together. 

I don't think I'll put up a tree this year. I did last year and thought it was a milestone of sorts. It's an odd place that I live in now. I'm still trying to actually figure out how to live alone. Some days I wake up and think, "Yes, this will be a good day". [ Side note: for some reason when it's not the weekend, I wake up and think, "Why is my body saying, 'No!'?" But this isn't really the point.] 

That feeling of emptiness is growing fainter. Right this minute, I'm sitting on the couch with the pre-game show on. [Tonight is Greenbay vs. San Fran.] Thank goodness for football. I like the beauty of a perfect pass and the thrill of a TD. I like that a play can surprise me. Football is festive. When I have it on I am hearing a tiny party in my living room.  I need a little frivolity in my life. Any time I hear (or say) the word "frivolity" I think of my friend Janis. Goodness, I miss her.

Some moments I find my flow and I'm content. Today it came while hanging twinkle lights. Sometimes I mourn not being a part of a "We". Finding my way in this life~in this moment~ is awkward. I am awkward. It's all part of my new reality.